dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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