She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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