Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
