I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
