so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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