i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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