she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My ATM looks so different sober.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
