tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
