he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
