That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
