K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
