oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
