i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
