She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
