In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
