I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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