I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
