He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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