you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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