She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
