genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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