I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
