My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
