I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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