those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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