don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
