I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
