i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
