u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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