i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
