Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
