so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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