my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just found puke in my bra..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
