and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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