Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
