im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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