In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
