I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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