You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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