Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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