life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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