Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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