So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Holy sore nipples Batman
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
