I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Randomize
