I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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