He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
These tits shall not be calmed
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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