seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
