Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
