he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I still have a little drunk in my system
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
