If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
