he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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