so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
