How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
