I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
